my pain

i have been keeping this a secret from everyone that knows me but i just have to say this because i cant handle it anymore

i want to die

yes i want to just get a knife and play sudoku

you understand

i have been masking my pain for far too long. too. long.

i cant handle life anymore

this world (and everyone in it) is as cruel and unfair as i can even think of (basically, a huge amount)

i hate society

i hate everything

i just want to die

but i cant I JUST CANT DIE

BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY AND A FUTURE SOOOO BRIGHT I CANT EVEN THINK

I JUST CANT HANDLE LIFE ANYMORE

I STILL DEDICATE MY ENTIRE LIFE TO MAKING CONTENT AND TALKING TO MY FRIENDS BUT WILL I EVEN BE ABLE TO?

I HAVE GROWN IN A NEGATIVE ENVIROMENT, MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED, I HAVE GRIEVANCE ON MY HEAD, I HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED AND BULLIED BY A KID WHO IS “MENTALLY ILL”

I CANT EVEN BE FIXED ANYMORE

I USED TO SMILE

I USED TO BE HAPPY BE JOYOUS

BUT NOW ITS ALL GONE

IM DEPRESSED

I DONT FEEL ANYTHING

IM JUST PRETENDING I FEEL SOMETHING BECAUSE IF I STOP PEOPLE WILL LEAVE ME

IM NOT TRYING TO BEG FOR ATTENTION BUT LONELINESS IS KILLING ME

I JUST CANT

PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE

PLEASE

I CANT

I JUST CANT

I WANT TO DIE BUT I JUST CANT

BECAUSE ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO CARE WILL GO INTO DEPRESSION

MY FRIENDS WILL BE LIKE: oh shit he ended himself? NICE THAT ANNOYANCE IS FINALLY GONE

YEAH BECAUSE EVERYONE TREATS ME LIKE A PUPPET

I DONT EVEN WANT TO STATE THIS AND RUIN MYSELF MORE

IF ANYONE EVEN SAYS GET SOME HELP

I WONT

I CANT

AND I WILL NOT

OK?

PLEASE

JUST STOP TREATING ME LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT

THE WORLD IS ALREADY CRUEL AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE THE WORLD TREAT ME BETTER

BUT IF EVERYTHING I DO GOES TO VAIN

WHY NOT MAKE MY SOUL JUST …

nevermind

just. forget it.

(i know the timing is in a coincidence of anins1der updating his readme in his repo but i just think im gonna get harrassed once they find out)